sdrgdrg
"Masculinity..... is confirmed only by other men" ~ Camille Paglia The most severe and decisive factor in imposing social masculinity roles is peer pressure exerted by boys of one's own age that one wants to relate with. As boys grow up, during adolescence, they learn masculinity roles while interacting with friends and peers: at school, in the colonies they live in, in playgrounds, etc. During adolescence, a boy wants his own place in the outside world amongst boys his own age, his peers. Before this, his world was limited to his parents and family. Now it is extremely crucial for him to be accepted and respected by the boys he hangs around with. His peers/friends are his first contact with the outside world. The boy is trying to find his identity in the outside world, away from the protective environment of his family. Unfortunately, the world of male peers is not only competitive, but also cruel. There is an intense race for social manhood amongst the peers, because whoever is ahead in this race will lead the group, and everyone else will look up to him. Those who get left behind in this race may face a harsh life. They could be ridiculed, bullied, and no one would want to be friends with them. Peers who are ahead in the race for social manhood exert a lot of pressure on other boys to fit into the social masculinity roles even when the boys don't want to. This pressure includes, amongst other things, smoking, drinking, eve-teasing, having sex with girls, fighting and getting into street brawls, speed riding vehicles, and a horde of other things that a boy may not want to do. There is no escaping peer pressure. Non-compliance could mean (a) he will be rejected by the peer group, (b) he will be ridiculed by his peers, (c) he will be seen as a lower male, an image that will be difficult to shake off. All this means that life will be tough for the adolescent and he will miss out on several important things in life. Naturally, no boy can afford to bear the consequences. Boys who are left behind in this race often find it difficult to re-establish themselves, and grow up with inferiority complex that hinders their development in other areas of life unless they get some help. Most boys learn to fit into the rat race, but become steeled, insensitive, mean and selfish in the process. They have to become all that in order to survive in the harsh world of men. The reason why peer-pressure plays such an important role in a boy's life (while not in the case of girls), is the basic biological 'herding' instinct that masculine gendered males have. Boys need to be part of a male group. They instinctively tend to follow 'herd' behaviour and attitudes. They will go to great lengths to fit into such groups even if they have to fight their own natural tendencies. If a boy fails to be accepted into a boys' group he will become isolated. This means that he will be deprived of the chance to develop his natural masculinity. He is then likely to grow up as a powerless, vulnerable and genderless (meaning neither masculine nor feminine) man. He may also become meek and a Mr. nice guy that everyone tramples upon. Another reason why peer-pressure plays such an important role in a boy's life is that adolescence is an age where boys are extremely sensitive about how others perceive them. They tend to build their own self-image on its basis. Even a careless insensitive remark can break them. Adolsecents whose parents are ever-critical and who keep telling their sons that they are good for nothing grow up to be less confident. Adolescents who grow up with positive comments are more successful in life. Therefore, boys learn to submit to social demands, even if that makes them do things that go against their nature. This could involve small pretensions to things that could turn their entire life into a sham.
But the most severe pressure on boys is regarding 'sex power', especially the need to exaggerate sexual attraction towards girls. Peers demand 'proof' of this desire by asking boys to indulge in eve-teasing, chasing girls, and in some cases having sex with girls. Most boys are not prepared for such activities and feel stressed. They either comply hesitantly or resist this pressure, upon which they are ridiculed and deflated. This pressure affects studies and self-image.
What we should realize is that it is the social masculinity and its roles that are to be blamed and not the peers. Punishing the bullies will not help, as long as they are empowered by artificial social masculinity.
The moral of the above story is that peer pressure can be dealt with if the boy has self-respect and confidence in his true masculinity. Most boys give in to such pressures because the consequences otherwise are too harsh. In addition, submitting to social roles even when they are unfair entitles them to enormous social power, especially in the peer group. It is not practical to expect these hardened boys with infinite power to be sensitive to other people, or even to their own selves. All the above situations are basically of a male-only setting. The peer pressure in a mixed-gender 'heterosexual' setting is quite different. Peer pressure on boys in a mixed-gender setting Traditional notions of 'feminine' change in a heterosexual society, and things that were earlier taboo (e.g. cooking and cleaning, midwifery, etc.) become available to boys. But many things earlier considered masculine (e.g., hair-cutting, tailoring) are now adjudged feminine and thus stigmatised for boys. Consequently, mostly feminine males opt for these professions which are now called hair-dressing and fashion designing. Whereas many general social roles of men loosen up to help boys become 'equal' to girls, the sexual pressures assume a never before proportion. Now the peers of the boys include girls, girls who the boy is expected to sexually service in order to be a man. Girls too are encouraged to see boys as sex objects. Plus, their power to define who is a man is now directly and openly practised. Girls are also often the most abusively active in isolating masculine male-intimacy as 'homosexual', thus intensifying the pressures. Heterosexual environments are biased against boys making them extremely vulnerable and conscious about themselves. Girls place extreme demands on boys and reinvent the rules of masculinity to suit their own interests.
"Never forget that only dead fish swims with the stream" ~ Malcolm Muggeridge When boys exert peer pressure over other boys, they feel enormously powerful. That is the most important reason boys like to do it. Everyone chooses to pick on boys perceived to be lower than themselves, in the race for social manhood. Boys who exert peer pressure on others are those who have accumulated enormous social power by achieving the key social expectations (the sexual roles) regarding social masculinity. In order to tackle peer-pressure it is important to remember that these social expectations are so unreal that no man can achieve them completely, and that boys only pretend and brag most of the time. This works only because most other boys are so full of complexes, that they believe whatever they are told. The bullies are unable to deal with all that power that comes so cheap. They then use it to deflate others, because this boosts their ego, thereby increasing their self-worth and reassuring them of their power. But this power is superficial and unreal. These boys are hollow and vulnerable from inside. They cannot deal with real challenges. Tackling peer pressure is not that difficult. But you need confidence to tackle it. Confidence comes from being in touch with your natural masculinity, from knowing that the bullies are hollow, and that social masculinity is not real. What would help is if you have your own 'herd' of boys which thinks like you and supports you against the bullies. This requires you to have an ability to bond with boys. If you have these, nobody can afford not to be friends with you. They cannot ignore you or make fun of you, no matter what social masculinity role you break. It may take some time, but people will know your real worth. Boys who exert pressure are after all ignorant themselves, and have no clue about what masculinity really is. Remember: It is not cool to do what everybody else is doing. What is really cool is to do what you think is the right thing to do, even if everybody else does not think so.
Tackling peer-pressure in heterosexual settings It is almost impossible to resist peer-pressure in a heterosexual setting where your peers include girls. Because, men are even more disempowered to discuss the issues of manhood with girls. There is little that a boy can hit back an aggressive 'exploitative' girl with when she questions his manhood, when sexual indulgence by girls is not stigmatized anymore. He cannot explain or defend himself because he can't talk about his real issues. And he cannot hit the girl or use abusive language --- options that at least strong boys have when dealing with other boys. The male peers too --- led by some boys who mould themselves into the extreme heterosexual roles --- thus assuming extreme social power, increase the sexual pressures on each other to an extreme. Thus in heterosexual settings boys really do not have a choice but to submit to the demands of these exploitative roles --- and still put up a brave front. This requires them to even further blunt their emotions, needs and natural traits, in order to steel themselves. The only thing that can ultimately empower boys to deal with peer pressure in a powerless situation such as this is to get in touch with their natural masculinity. |